DCSB: Just blowtorch the whole Nats season (plus the Phillies)

This Nats season has been befuddling and infuriating (and, on rare occasions, enjoyable) for the team’s fanbase. And yet there are still reasons to tune in, even this far into a…
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Just do this to the entire season pls. (Matt Slocum/AP)

This Nats season has been befuddling and infuriating (and, on rare occasions, enjoyable) for the team’s fanbase. And yet there are still reasons to tune in, even this far into a dreary September. To see Max Scherzer attempt to run down a Cy Young Award. To see that outfield of Harper, Robles and Soto. To see what the Feddes and Jefrys of the world might have to offer. And to see if the team can finally manage to drive its players, broadcasters and beat writers completely and totally batty.

Consider just the last five days: A nine-inning game that lasted more than three and a half hours (and was easily the smoothest game in that span); a 10-inning game that went about four hours; a Friday night washout that included more than four hours of weather delays (“Played when we shouldn’t have, then did not play when we should have,” Joe Maddon said); a truly ridiculous Saturday double-dip in which the nightcap started at 9 and ended at 1:42 a.m. (with another 89-minute rain delay tossed in because sure); a Sunday rainout that featured a three-hour delay which might have been enough time to play a baseball game or maybe knit a scarf or maybe contemplate Kierkegaard’s thoughts on the Abraham and Isaac story; and then a Monday night in which it finally wasn’t raining and the forecast was clear and oh no are you serious the Phillies field was waterlogged and spongy like some horrible whiz-filled cheesesteak pudding and the Phillies tried to grill it back into health but it didn’t work and so here is a story about baseball flamethrowers no not like Michael Kopech they were literally trying to flame throw the field in order to save it.

Fire. Fire. Heh heh.

Those grounds crew members, if you missed it, were “blowtorching the field with an emergency fleet of blowtorches attached to propane tanks sitting in wheelbarrows being pushed slowly across the infield,” wrote the super composed and not at all incredulous Chelsea Janes, though she just as easily could have written “adsfpoaijsdfasidfjias;dfjasldfjasldfijasdf” and no one would have complained.

“Since last Friday, the Nationals have sat through just under 11 hours of rain delays and played a little more than six hours of baseball,” wrote Jesse Dougherty, the new guy, who further detailed what the Nationals do during these endless delays. (“Watch Netflix, play cards, anything, just whatever will keep you sane,” Mark Reynolds said.”)

Anyhow, the players have it relatively easy. Let’s now watch the media people as they suffer. These don’t all describe the same event, but they all describe the same general mindset: creeping lunacy.

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Honestly, if given the choice between the Nats and Phillies playing a doubleheader on Tuesday, or the Nats and Phillies getting postponed by the invasion of a pack of rabid whiz-encrusted muskrats who inhabit the body of the Phanatic, crawl their rabid way into the press box elevator and then trap the Nats media crew inside the press box for seven or eight hours while gnawing at the door and singing various jolly muskrat sea shanties, who among us wouldn’t choose the latter?

Oh, wait. Also, there’s this, from Chelsea: “Now, as predictions for Hurricane Florence solidify suspicions that the hurricane will not only put Thursday’s game in jeopardy, but make it nearly impossible for the Nationals to travel to Atlanta for a series this weekend — and could make it impossible to play that series at all — the Nationals must hope …” well, don’t even worry about that hope. Just imagine the worst-possible baseball scenario, and then add flamethrowers.

Anyhow, sorry I wasn’t able to share the Redskins win with you (they looked nice!), and sorry there was no Redskins Best and Worst (it’s dead, RIP), and hope you enjoyed your apples and honey (a sweet New Year to you, too, I’m sure.) As always, you can find me @dcsportsbog or via email, and let’s do this again tomorrow, when Chelsea will likely be sleeping in a cot somewhere inside Citizens Bank Park.

Quick hits:

  • Dez Bryant might be interested in the Redskins, but the Redskins aren’t interested in Dez Bryant.
  • Jordan Reed’s mom sent him the viral video of his sideline yoga routine, and if I were still a young and nimble blogger I would definitely be trying to recreate this right now.
  • D.J. Swearinger explained his low hit on Larry Fitzgerald: “I gotta do it just because to save my money. I can’t hit nobody up high.”
  • The Redskins are now No. 14 in Mark Maske’s power rankings.
  • The Nats aren’t the only sports team worried about Florence; here are a whole bunch of events that could be impacted.
  • To win a title, the Mystics will have to become the first WNBA team to come back from down 2-0 in the finals.
  • Dwight Howard is No. 69 on Sports Illustrated’s list of the top 100 NBA players.
  • David Aldridge is headlining The Athletic’s D.C. site; here’s his opening piece, and here’s his lineup, which now includes Chick Hernandez. Honestly, this is by far the local sports story that interests me the most, and I could write (or read) 10,000 words on the topic, but I’ll save that for another day. (Tomorrow, maybe.) (I would subscribe to The Athletic/The Athletic, consisting only of commentary about The Athletic.)
  • Kevin Sheehan and Thom Loverro are together again.
  • This Ravens drummer is beyond perfection.
  • You know how Peter King used to sort of annoy readers by writing so much about his daughter’s softball teams? I would never, ever do that. But just as a PSA, better watch out for the Hardy Hawks in DCIAA middle school volleyball this fall!!!!!!!!
Nationals-Phillies postponed after failed attempt to dry field: ‘Everybody saw the flamethrowers’
In a week of crazy weather delays, the Nationals got an even more absurd one Monday.
By Chelsea Janes • Read more »
The Nationals’ approach to all these rain delays? ‘Whatever will keep you sane’
The Nationals, if nothing else, have become very adept at waiting for storms to pass. `
By Jesse Dougherty • Read more »
Injuries have Redskins down to three wide receivers, but team isn’t interested in Dez Bryant
Trey Quinn and Cam Sims suffered high-ankle sprains during Sunday’s season opener.
By Kareem Copeland • Read more »
Jay Gruden wants effort and tenacity from his defense, and Sunday was an ‘A-plus on both’
Redskins’ defense nearly forced a shutout in season-opening win, and they hope the performance is a sign of things to come.
By Kareem Copeland • Read more »
The Redskins just proved they can play a tough, physical game. Now the key is repetition.
Sunday’s win was an exercise in how Washington should play. Whether it can consistently do so bears watching.
By Jerry Brewer • Read more »
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